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Filmspotting Message Boards => No Movie Talk Allowed => Idle Chatter => Topic started by: oldkid on July 28, 2015, 10:37:48 PM

Title: If World History Were a Movie...
Post by: oldkid on July 28, 2015, 10:37:48 PM
How would you critique it?

Here's some Tickld answers:

1. That Jesus character was killed off and now he's back? I don't get it.

2. So let me get this straight... These American guys acquire this super-weapon that ultimately ended a massive war in a previous season... but this 'super-weapon' is never used again in all the later wars they get into? I have a strong feeling that they are going to be used in the series finale, everyone knows they have to use them at some point.

3. How the f**k did we go from the first airplane to landing on the moon in 66 years? That's some rushed development.

4. A meteor killing off the dinosaurs was obviously a cop out because the author didn't know where to take the story

5. The Nazis, they're just too perfectly bad. The symbolism, the propaganda, the uniforms, the skulls on the uniforms...too perfect.

6. The Titanic was unsinkable. Then it sunk... Lazy f**king writing right there.

7. For ten thousand years we ride horses, use spells to cure diseases, and more often than not die by the age of two. Suddenly within two hundred years we're in space, replace limbs, and in general are pretty much indestructible until we're 80. Aliens?

8. I wish I was playing a bigger role in this movie. It seems like I'm just an extra.

9. Nobody would ever actually attack Russia in winter, give me a f**king break.

10. Several billion seasons of development and suddenly the writers introduce this "humanity" group. I get that it's for dramatic purposes but their characterization is wildly inconsistent, their plotline is all over the f**king place, and half the time it's totally unclear if they're supposed to be the protagonists or the villains. Don't get me wrong, there's potential there, but they could also be the reason the whole thing comes to a crashing, unsatisfying ending. And if that happens, I'm going to be pissed.

11. A real jump the shark moment was when they let Napoleon come back just for them to beat him again. Really lazy writing there.

12. We hear of Japan in the early seasons and all of a sudden it just disappears for a few hundred years and shows up around WWII as a growing world superpower? Kind of shady if you ask me.

13. A plague wipes out vast quantities of Europeans, and then shows up randomly later? Obvious sequel bait.

14. It was a pretty clever transition how WWII sets up the whole US vs. Soviet plot line. But then it's like the Soviet Union left to make another movie or something, the writers just killed it off overnight with no foreshadowing.

15. I feel like the series has gotten stale with this whole terrorism plot device. It seems like anytime there's a plot hole in a character's motivation, they immediately jump to terrorism.

16. Wait, so the Christian crusaders sent to take Jerusalem decided to just up and sack Constantinople instead? A city which, after Rome, was the capital of the Christian world... give me a break.

17. All of the antagonists are so f**king unbelievable. I mean, you really expect me to believe that Kim Jong Un is supposed to be taken seriously? It's like his character was written for a comedy, but the writers still tried to make him a serious character.

18. What happened to communist china?!? All of a sudden it's the biggest capitalist out there? Just 'cause Mao died. Really?

19. So you're telling me that Gavrilo Princip just so happens to run into the Archduke Franz Ferdinand, who he tried and failed to kill earlier in the day, while he's out ordering a sandwich?

20. I hate how that moon landing story line just ended without any real payoff. And now we're to believe that humans are just up and going to Mars? Yeah right.

What do you think?  How would you do a review of world history?
Title: Re: If World History Were a Movie...
Post by: oldkid on July 28, 2015, 10:41:39 PM
So  Vercingetorix (which is a name straight out of Astarix) is this super villain, gathering up the Gauls to fight noble Julius Caesar, who is invading their lands to keep the Roman economy together.  There is a great epic series of battles, very impressive, and then, at the end, when V (don't think I'm typing all that again) dies, Caesar cries and talks about how "noble" he was.  You fought!  You hated each other!  But once he's dead, he's a great guy?

And don't get me started on Robert E. Lee...
Title: Re: If World History Were a Movie...
Post by: DarkeningHumour on July 29, 2015, 12:47:23 PM
I love this...
Title: Re: If World History Were a Movie...
Post by: DarkeningHumour on July 29, 2015, 12:52:08 PM
1. I like how they change the protagonists every few years to keep the material fresh but now they are just recycling old material. I mean, now there is a third Bush and a second Clinton ? At least that Obama guy brought some diversity to the cast.

2. We're supposed to believe that tiny island conquered like half the world ? I'll say it again, the third episode of any trilogy is always the worst.
Title: Re: If World History Were a Movie...
Post by: oldkid on July 30, 2015, 01:03:48 PM
Title: Re: If World History Were a Movie...
Post by: DarkeningHumour on September 20, 2015, 07:21:25 AM
Bumping this up in the hopes more people will participate.