Author Topic: Teach Me...  (Read 11923 times)

verbALs

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #90 on: March 07, 2015, 11:29:12 AM »
I think I subscribed to being quite aggressive to negative attitudes around me. This feels a step forward from there. Other people can't and don't decide how you feel, you do. If you feel irritated then you have decided to feel that way. Also just because you feel that way doesn't mean you have to express it by blaming others, because if you do you are saying that they can decide how you feel. But you can decide whether you get annoyed or say nothing or maybe you could tell them how you feel articulately. It might be complete surprise to them that they are irritating you or disrespecting you or upsetting you. Plus you are respecting them by sharing how you feel without blaming. Of course if they react as if they don't care how you feel; well you can draw a conclusion from that can't you? At least you have dealt with the situation calmly and articulately. The higher ground isn't a bad position to take if the alternative was screaming and ranting.
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

MartinTeller

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #91 on: March 07, 2015, 11:55:28 AM »
One of the many things I love about my relationship with Carrie is that we are able to express the things that a lot of couples suppress.  That doesn't mean we're letting our raging ids take control, but if one of us is having a negative thought, we can put it out there.  If you preface it with "I know this is unfair, but..." or "I'm having an irrational reaction to this" then it helps alleviate the blame factor.  It's not "I'm feeling this way and you caused it" but rather "I need you to know that I'm feeling this bad thing and it's not your fault but I'd like to talk it out".  We still have conflicts (especially when we don't express those things and let them fester instead), but they never last that long and at the end of it we understand ourselves and each other better, strengthening our love.
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verbALs

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #92 on: March 07, 2015, 12:12:46 PM »
Exactly and I'm delighted for you. We've gone through a stage where she thought I was blaming her however I tried to say that I wasnt blaming her; just because our relationship had gone that way for too long and I had been blaming her for a lot of things. Can't really believe it now. We had a reset on our relationship- started again.

Thanks for that Martin.
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

oldkid

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #93 on: March 07, 2015, 08:55:14 PM »
I love this conversation. 
"It's not art unless it has the potential to be a disaster." Bansky

verbALs

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #94 on: March 08, 2015, 12:55:40 PM »
Have you got these Facebook ads that say;

"Your real friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear?"

It's a Facebook ad but I can't express how much I agree with this statement.
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

Sandy

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #95 on: March 08, 2015, 01:44:36 PM »
I'm trying to think what you need to hear. :))

It reminds me of another quote I've been hearing and it could be my comeback answer to when a friend tells me what what I need to hear.

"I'd rather people hate me for who I am, than love me for who I'm not."


...Okay, verbALs, what do I need to hear? You can tell me. :)
"I'm a new day rising."

Sandy

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #96 on: March 08, 2015, 01:46:03 PM »
I love this conversation.

me too  :)
"I'm a new day rising."

verbALs

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #97 on: March 08, 2015, 01:48:47 PM »
Errrrrrrrrrm!!
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

Sandy

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #98 on: March 08, 2015, 01:54:49 PM »
 :))

I can take it.
"I'm a new day rising."

verbALs

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Re: Teach Me...
« Reply #99 on: March 08, 2015, 02:07:27 PM »
Can I wait till there's something worth saying.  :o
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy