I think I've misunderstood some of what you've been trying to communicate with me and will try and remember to be more aware of that possibility in the future. Not being understood is a frustrating place to be. I'm not offended by your question, because it seems to come from a real desire to make sense of things. I'll start there...
It's my job to protect my kids and I take it very seriously, but the operative word is kids. By the time they become adults, I'd step back to let them live their lives. I've not seen Another Year since last January (I should have prefaced my earlier comments with that information.), so cannot provide as clear a memory as I'd like for this kind of discussion. How privy were Tom and Gerri to Mary's and Joe's past? Again, I'm not sure it matters one way or another if they were two consenting adults.
I would have a friend who committed adultery and I do. I don't have a criteria for friends--I'm not sure how that would work actually. I think part of what the disconnect is, is what constitutes friendship? My ideas of what friendship is and what I'd like friendship to be is probably very different from you and others. In fact, it's even different than what my friends believe friendship is. I have friends who think coming to visit with me and chit-chatting is the most restful and enjoyable way to spend their time. I, on the other hand find it to be the worst! They're rejuvenated and I'm left empty. Not all friends do that to me, but the one's that seem to need my time like that do. It's that old difference between getting your energy from people or getting your energy from time alone. So the question is, do you stop being friends? They're good people and interaction is healthy. My way to handle it, is to be cautious and know my limits and understand that friendship comes in many forms. One reason I love this place is that forum friends are completely restful to me. It's my kind of friendship.
As for misunderstanding you before, it is that I thought you believed Tom and Gerri were not being accommodating, accepting and compassionate enough to their two lonely friends. I was pushing back on that because of my own struggles with being drained by friendship. You may be telling me that their friendship is neither in nor out and you believe friendship needs to be more of an active concrete entity, so it leaves you with the feeling that they're indifferent. In that case you may be right about their actions. I relate to that journey to indifference, so it doesn't bother me, it validates me. Funny how a movie can give people completely different experiences? And isn't it wonderful?