Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom MenaceOldkid
: Okay, well, will we begin with Star Warts Ep 1Oldkid
: Not warts...IdeaThy12
: Warts? I was unaware we watched that filmOldkid
: It's okay I began writing "Start Warts"
DeathImpacto: Star Warts! The classic film about warts in space!Oldkid
: Staring Jar Jar and Jabba the Hutt!
: OKAY! Are we ready to do a real review yet? Like, actually talk about the film? First of all, what did you guys like about Star Wards: Episode 1?
DeathImpacto: ENOUGH! IdeaThy12
: The Phantom Menace?
DeathImpacto: ... IdeaThy12
: we watched that? Sheesh . All these movies I dunno we're watchingOldkid
: Okay, then, Star Wars: Episode 1-- good things? IdeaThy12
: THAT ONE WE'VE WATCHED Oldkid
: Someone start. Name a thing you liked from the film.
: ...The Queen …what's her name?Oldkid
: You LIKED Jar Jar?
DeathImpacto: he's awesome!Oldkid
: Which Queen?IdeaThy12
: the non-decoy! the sneaky one, with a gunOldkid
: The actress who played her is called Natalie Portman. You liked her because she was shooting people. If you like royalty with guns, you're gunna like Star Warts
DeathImpacto: ... and she's a sneak IdeaThy12
: and Anakin (did I spell that right???) 'sploding the ship from the insideOldkid
: Good spelling, I think
DeathImpacto: He had to stay in the cockpitIdeaThy12
: Good, obedient kid. Going off and blowing up the ship.
DeathImpacto: and staying in the cockpit like orderedIdeaThy12
: what did you say? "Controlled Disobedience"? something like that? Oldkid
: I liked the fights-- especially with the light sabers**Mrs. Oldkid says that the choreography of the fighting was just silly. Spin once and you’re dead.IdeaThy12
: "It's exploding from the inside!" "What? We didn't shoot it!"Oldkid
: Darth Maul is awesomeIdeaThy12
: Evil dudeIdeaThy12
: oh...which one?
DeathImpacto: the apprenticeOldkid
: Evil devil-looking dudeIdeaThy12
: ohhhhhh…the guy Mommy called "Hellboy"?
DeathImpacto: I keep thinking "Maul"Oldkid
: It's tough to keep up on all the names in Star WarsIdeaThy12
: He likes mauling, I'm sure.
DeathImpacto: 'til he died Oldkid
: We don't know because he doesn't say anything.
DeathImpacto: I think he had ONE LINEIdeaThy12
: That many? Maybe his line was "Yes, master"
: So, let's get back to Jar-Jar. He is soooooooooo stupid
DeathImpacto: yeah? so?IdeaThy12
: Jar-Jar? What about Ani 'sploding the ship?!Oldkid
: Too much of the same kind of stupid. All stupid. All the time.IdeaThy12
: AND R2D2!!! Wait...he isn't awesome yet...YET
DeathImpacto: Jar-Jar is hilariousOldkid
: Ani sploding the ship is awesome, no doubt. But Jar Jar isn't funny after five minutesIdeaThy12
: especially what the people said after Ani 'sploded the ship
DeathImpacto: I like repetitive humorOldkid
: Same two jokes: "I talk English like a toddler" and "Look, I'm going to drop something again." That's it Oldkid
: So I hate Jar Jar and you guys think he's funny.IdeaThy12
: I think he's funnyOldkid
: What did you think about the opening?
: which opening?Oldkid
: Pick one, any one
DeathImpacto: words. lots of 'emOldkid
: Like the words?
: ...Word opening = BORED ME TO TEARS!!!Oldkid
: Note how they all had to do with politics?IdeaThy12
Oldkid: Do you like politics in your action movies?
DeathImpacto: I can't read on a screen very wellOldkid
: So you just ignored the words?
DeathImpacto: what's a polatic?IdeaThy12
: wha? Politics? Where? I saw action...I saw no politics
: Governments. Senators. Lots of talking about trading and federations and senates and republics.
DeathImpacto: it was there only to advance the plotOldkid
: There was a plot?IdeaThy12
: what's politics
I saw Ani spolding stuff. Not politics
DeathImpacto: and it WAS the plot IdeaThy12
DeathImpacto: that's besides the point!Oldkid
: Plot-- the story, you know. Did you notice there was a story?IdeaThy12
DeathImpacto: she saw boomsOldkid
: What about the race, did you like that?
DeathImpacto: yeah, what happened to the wrench?IdeaThy12
: what DID happen to that wrench?Oldkid
: Jar Jar ate itIdeaThy12
: no, Jar-Jar DROPPED itOldkid
: And then ate it. Later. I'm sureIdeaThy12
: with his numb tongue?Oldkid
: He's hungry a lot. So what was the reason they had to be in the race?
DeathImpacto: the parts. they needed moneyIdeaThy12
: ...parts...free Ani...blah blah blahOldkid
: THATS PLOT!
DeathImpacto: freeing Ani came laterIdeaThy12
: nuh-uh not rllyOldkid
: Freeing ani was part of the race thingy
DeathImpacto: it wasn't in the original reason thoughOldkid
: And they had to get the part so they could get to the Senate planetIdeaThy12
: yeah...wait... Oldkid
: No, it wasn't original, but no ani, no Darth, no Darth, no start warsIdeaThy12
: also to talk to the JediIdeaThy12
: start wars?Oldkid
: Talk to Jedi about aniOldkid
: Yeah... it’s the first one. So it's "start wars"
DeathImpacto: now you mess up on Star?IdeaThy12
DeathImpacto: Start wars, the wars over start buttonsIdeaThy12
: it's "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace"Oldkid
: At least SOMEONE knows the titleIdeaThy12
: Since clearly I don'tIdeaThy12
: I used the Roman Numeral
DeathImpacto: wait... that's what it's called?IdeaThy12
: AND I dunno anything else apparentlyOldkid
: So what didn't you like about the film? Besides the words Oldkid
: It's your favorite film EVER?
: WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DISLIKEOldkid
: Better than Avengers?IdeaThy12
: umm...Remember, Avengers still doesn't top Summer Wars? and Summer Wars CANNOT be toppedOldkid
: FLY will be happy to hear thatIdeaThy12
: but, Star Wars Ep1 isn't on my top 5: my top 5 is the movies I've rated 5/5 Oldkid
: Here's the thing for me: The movie starts with a lot of politics, a lot of talking and a takeover of a planet that has NO ACTION at all!
DeathImpacto: that does suckOldkid
: Then George Lucas (the maker of Star Wars) says: Oh, we need something for the kids! So he throws in Jar Jar.IdeaThy12
DeathImpacto: I wanted to see non-monotone queen moreIdeaThy12
: no worries, in the future. I remember THAT much Oldkid
: Some stupid laughs, then he realizes eventually that he's on the WRONG PLANET--- he's got to get to TatooineIdeaThy12
: uhhh...is he ranting about Jar-Jar?
: So he gets the queen and everyone there and makes up a lame plot to keep them there for a while and they have to take ani awayIdeaThy12
: he seems to be having fun at leastOldkid
: Is this a story? Or a series of stupidities? How is this fun? It isn't really fun until the final third where the splodies really startIdeaThy12
: one question at a time?Oldkid
: This is a rant, thank you
DeathImpacto: and the 'splodies?IdeaThy12
: are epicOldkid
: I LOVE SPLODIES
: "Oops! I hit the main power source!“Oldkid
: More spodies, less politics IdeaThy12
: "I'm sorry Droids!"Oldkid
: And less Jar JarIdeaThy12
: And I love R2D2
: he isn't all that important...YET
DeathImpacto: still cool Oldkid
: No, but he's so awesomeIdeaThy12
: yup. Then there's C3PO! Oldkid
: He was fun "What do you mean my parts are showing?"
DeathImpacto: yeah, I don't like that he got left behindOldkid
: He'll be backIdeaThy12
: soon sister...
DeathImpacto: yes, yes he willIdeaThy12
: how can they DITCH HIM?!
DeathImpacto: was he owned by Ani?Oldkid
: C3PO is owned by aniOldkid
: Any final thoughts? IdeaThy12
: yes. it being only rated 4.5/5 doesn't make it on my top 5 list--so it doesn't top the AvengersIdeaThy12
: or MulanOldkid
: Not good enough for you?IdeaThy12
: nope. no blood
: lots of action, no blood
DeathImpacto: THERE'S NO BLOOD IN MULAN!IdeaThy12
: She's got a pointIdeaThy12
: that's a CARTOON!!! Oldkid
: Yeah, but there are naked men IdeaThy12
: and the bad guy gets ki- yes...there are...as I was saying
: and the bad guy gets killed by fireworks! and the Grandma, dude...the Grandma…
DeathImpacto: so he 'sploded! Oldkid
: That's kinda awesome. But not as awesome as the avalancheOldkid
: Wait...WRONG MOVIE
: "YOU MISSED!! HE WAS THREE FEET AWAY AND YOU MISSED!!!"
DeathImpacto: that's what I was thinking Oldkid
: So DI, do you do ratings? How would you rate Staple Wars Ep IIdeaThy12
: Staple Wars?
DeathImpacto: I don't rateIdeaThy12
: get your act together manOldkid
: I would rate it a 3 out of 5. Because the plot sockedOldkid
DeathImpacto: yeah, all ship are shaped like staples!IdeaThy12
: all ship?
DeathImpacto: he HAS it together! unlike me!IdeaThy12
: Actually, check out on YouTube: Hardware Wars! It's a real thing
DeathImpacto: GAH! TOPIC! Oldkid
: Okay, well this was....
DeathImpacto: I think we should concludeOldkid
: ONLY interesting?
DeathImpacto: it was out and out insaneOldkid
: What was insane? I want to knowOldkid
: So the next review will be Mulan?IdeaThy12
: are you certain- lol
: are you certain the Filmspotters will read our posts ever again?
: I strongly doubt it. But Sandy will because she's so nice.Mrs. Oldkid’s general thoughts on the movie were that it was okay. It wasn’t boring. But the fight scenes were stupid because of all the dancing.