Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom MenaceOldkid: Okay, well, will we begin with Star Warts Ep 1
Oldkid: Not warts...
IdeaThy12: Warts? I was unaware we watched that film
Oldkid: It's okay I began writing "Start Warts"
DeathImpacto: Star Warts! The classic film about warts in space!
Oldkid: Staring Jar Jar and Jabba the Hutt!
DeathImpacto: yep
Oldkid: OKAY! Are we ready to do a real review yet? Like, actually talk about the film? First of all, what did you guys like about Star Wards: Episode 1?
DeathImpacto: ENOUGH!
IdeaThy12: Wards?
Oldkid: The Phantom Menace?
DeathImpacto: ...
IdeaThy12: we watched that? Sheesh . All these movies I dunno we're watching
Oldkid: Okay, then, Star Wars: Episode 1-- good things?
IdeaThy12: THAT ONE WE'VE WATCHED
Oldkid: Someone start. Name a thing you liked from the film.
DeathImpacto: Jar-Jar
IdeaThy12: ...The Queen …what's her name?
Oldkid: You LIKED Jar Jar?
DeathImpacto: he's awesome!
Oldkid: Which Queen?
IdeaThy12: the non-decoy! the sneaky one, with a gun
Oldkid: The actress who played her is called Natalie Portman. You liked her because she was shooting people. If you like royalty with guns, you're gunna like Star Warts
DeathImpacto: ... and she's a sneak
IdeaThy12: and Anakin (did I spell that right???) 'sploding the ship from the inside
Oldkid: Good spelling, I think
DeathImpacto: He had to stay in the cockpit
IdeaThy12: yup
Oldkid: Good, obedient kid. Going off and blowing up the ship.
DeathImpacto: and staying in the cockpit like ordered
IdeaThy12: what did you say? "Controlled Disobedience"? something like that?
Oldkid: I liked the fights-- especially with the light sabers
**Mrs. Oldkid says that the choreography of the fighting was just silly. Spin once and you’re dead.IdeaThy12: "It's exploding from the inside!" "What? We didn't shoot it!"
Oldkid: Darth Maul is awesome
IdeaThy12: who?
Oldkid: Evil dude
IdeaThy12: oh...which one?
DeathImpacto: the apprentice
Oldkid: Evil devil-looking dude
IdeaThy12: ohhhhhh…the guy Mommy called "Hellboy"?
DeathImpacto: I keep thinking "Maul"
Oldkid: It's tough to keep up on all the names in Star Wars
IdeaThy12: lol
Oldkid: He likes mauling, I'm sure.
DeathImpacto: 'til he died
Oldkid: We don't know because he doesn't say anything.
DeathImpacto: I think he had ONE LINE
IdeaThy12: mauling...right...heh...heh...heh...
Oldkid: That many? Maybe his line was "Yes, master"
DeathImpacto: maybe
Oldkid: So, let's get back to Jar-Jar. He is soooooooooo stupid
DeathImpacto: yeah? so?
IdeaThy12: Jar-Jar? What about Ani 'sploding the ship?!
Oldkid: Too much of the same kind of stupid. All stupid. All the time.
IdeaThy12: AND R2D2!!! Wait...he isn't awesome yet...YET
DeathImpacto: Jar-Jar is hilarious
Oldkid: Ani sploding the ship is awesome, no doubt. But Jar Jar isn't funny after five minutes
IdeaThy12: especially what the people said after Ani 'sploded the ship
DeathImpacto: I like repetitive humor
Oldkid: Same two jokes: "I talk English like a toddler" and "Look, I'm going to drop something again." That's it
Oldkid: So I hate Jar Jar and you guys think he's funny.
IdeaThy12: I think he's funny
Oldkid: What did you think about the opening?
DeathImpacto: words
IdeaThy12: which opening?
Oldkid: Pick one, any one
DeathImpacto: words. lots of 'em
Oldkid: Like the words?
DeathImpacto: no
IdeaThy12: ...Word opening = BORED ME TO TEARS!!!
Oldkid: Note how they all had to do with politics?
IdeaThy12: wha?
Oldkid: Do you like politics in your action movies?
DeathImpacto: I can't read on a screen very well
Oldkid: So you just ignored the words?
DeathImpacto: what's a polatic?
IdeaThy12: wha? Politics? Where? I saw action...I saw no politics
DeathImpacto:
Oldkid: Governments. Senators. Lots of talking about trading and federations and senates and republics.
DeathImpacto: it was there only to advance the plot
Oldkid: There was a plot?
IdeaThy12: what's politics
I saw Ani spolding stuff. Not politics
DeathImpacto: and it WAS the plot
IdeaThy12: plot?!
DeathImpacto: that's besides the point!
Oldkid: Plot-- the story, you know. Did you notice there was a story?
IdeaThy12: umm...
DeathImpacto: she saw booms
Oldkid: What about the race, did you like that?
DeathImpacto: yeah, what happened to the wrench?
IdeaThy12: what DID happen to that wrench?
Oldkid: Jar Jar ate it
IdeaThy12: no, Jar-Jar DROPPED it
Oldkid: And then ate it. Later. I'm sure
IdeaThy12: with his numb tongue?
Oldkid: He's hungry a lot. So what was the reason they had to be in the race?
DeathImpacto: the parts. they needed money
IdeaThy12: ...parts...free Ani...blah blah blah
Oldkid: THATS PLOT!
DeathImpacto: freeing Ani came later
IdeaThy12: nuh-uh not rlly
Oldkid: Freeing ani was part of the race thingy
DeathImpacto: it wasn't in the original reason though
Oldkid: And they had to get the part so they could get to the Senate planet
IdeaThy12: yeah...wait...
Oldkid: No, it wasn't original, but no ani, no Darth, no Darth, no start wars
IdeaThy12: also to talk to the Jedi
IdeaThy12: start wars?
Oldkid: Talk to Jedi about ani
Oldkid: Yeah... it’s the first one. So it's "start wars"
DeathImpacto: now you mess up on Star?
IdeaThy12: umm...no...
DeathImpacto: Start wars, the wars over start buttons
IdeaThy12: it's "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace"
Oldkid: At least SOMEONE knows the title
IdeaThy12: yes...
Oldkid: Since clearly I don't
IdeaThy12: I used the Roman Numeral
DeathImpacto: wait... that's what it's called?
IdeaThy12: AND I dunno anything else apparently
Oldkid: So what didn't you like about the film? Besides the words
Oldkid: nothing?
IdeaThy12: WHAT?!
DeathImpacto: thinkin'
Oldkid: It's your favorite film EVER?
DeathImpacto: no
IdeaThy12: WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DISLIKE
Oldkid: Better than Avengers?
IdeaThy12: umm...Remember, Avengers still doesn't top Summer Wars? and Summer Wars CANNOT be topped
Oldkid: FLY will be happy to hear that
IdeaThy12: lol
IdeaThy12: but, Star Wars Ep1 isn't on my top 5: my top 5 is the movies I've rated 5/5
Oldkid: Here's the thing for me: The movie starts with a lot of politics, a lot of talking and a takeover of a planet that has NO ACTION at all!
DeathImpacto: that does suck
Oldkid: Then George Lucas (the maker of Star Wars) says: Oh, we need something for the kids! So he throws in Jar Jar.
IdeaThy12: lol
DeathImpacto: I wanted to see non-monotone queen more
IdeaThy12: no worries, in the future. I remember THAT much
Oldkid: Some stupid laughs, then he realizes eventually that he's on the WRONG PLANET--- he's got to get to Tatooine
IdeaThy12: uhhh...is he ranting about Jar-Jar?
DeathImpacto: yes
IdeaThy12: oh
Oldkid: So he gets the queen and everyone there and makes up a lame plot to keep them there for a while and they have to take ani away
IdeaThy12: he seems to be having fun at least
Oldkid: Is this a story? Or a series of stupidities? How is this fun? It isn't really fun until the final third where the splodies really start
IdeaThy12: one question at a time?
Oldkid: This is a rant, thank you
DeathImpacto: and the 'splodies?
IdeaThy12: are epic
Oldkid: I LOVE SPLODIES
DeathImpacto:
IdeaThy12: "Oops! I hit the main power source!“
Oldkid: More spodies, less politics
IdeaThy12: "I'm sorry Droids!"
Oldkid: And less Jar Jar
IdeaThy12: lol
Oldkid: And I love R2D2
DeathImpacto: lol
IdeaThy12: he isn't all that important...YET
DeathImpacto: still cool
Oldkid: No, but he's so awesome
IdeaThy12: yup. Then there's C3PO!
Oldkid: He was fun "What do you mean my parts are showing?"
DeathImpacto: yeah, I don't like that he got left behind
Oldkid: He'll be back
IdeaThy12: soon sister...
DeathImpacto: yes, yes he will
IdeaThy12: how can they DITCH HIM?!
DeathImpacto: was he owned by Ani?
Oldkid: C3PO is owned by ani
Oldkid: Any final thoughts?
IdeaThy12: yes. it being only rated 4.5/5 doesn't make it on my top 5 list--so it doesn't top the Avengers
IdeaThy12: or Mulan
Oldkid: Not good enough for you?
IdeaThy12: nope. no blood
DeathImpacto: ...
IdeaThy12: lots of action, no blood
DeathImpacto: THERE'S NO BLOOD IN MULAN!
IdeaThy12: so?
Oldkid: She's got a point
IdeaThy12: that's a CARTOON!!!
Oldkid: Yeah, but there are naked men
IdeaThy12: and the bad guy gets ki- yes...there are...as I was saying
DeathImpacto: point=made
IdeaThy12: and the bad guy gets killed by fireworks! and the Grandma, dude...the Grandma…
DeathImpacto: so he 'sploded!
Oldkid: That's kinda awesome. But not as awesome as the avalanche
Oldkid: Wait...WRONG MOVIE
DeathImpacto: XD
IdeaThy12: "YOU MISSED!! HE WAS THREE FEET AWAY AND YOU MISSED!!!"
DeathImpacto: that's what I was thinking
Oldkid: So DI, do you do ratings? How would you rate Staple Wars Ep I
IdeaThy12: Staple Wars?
DeathImpacto: I don't rate
IdeaThy12: get your act together man
Oldkid: I would rate it a 3 out of 5. Because the plot socked
Oldkid: sucked
DeathImpacto: yeah, all ship are shaped like staples!
IdeaThy12: all ship?
DeathImpacto: he HAS it together! unlike me!
IdeaThy12: no...
Oldkid: Actually, check out on YouTube: Hardware Wars! It's a real thing
DeathImpacto: GAH! TOPIC!
Oldkid: Okay, well this was....
DeathImpacto: I think we should conclude
Oldkid: interesting.
IdeaThy12: ONLY interesting?
DeathImpacto: it was out and out insane
Oldkid: What was insane? I want to know
Oldkid: So the next review will be Mulan?
IdeaThy12: are you certain- lol
DeathImpacto: MAYBE!
IdeaThy12: are you certain the Filmspotters will read our posts ever again?
DeathImpacto: sure!
Oldkid: I strongly doubt it. But Sandy will because she's so nice.
Mrs. Oldkid’s general thoughts on the movie were that it was okay. It wasn’t boring. But the fight scenes were stupid because of all the dancing.