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Author Topic: The Three Musketeers: Get Your Dumas In Here!  (Read 28861 times)

1SO

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2013, 11:20:23 PM »
2001 is supposed to be horrible, probably because Peter Hyams is the director...

Talk about quoting out of context. At first I thought you were playing a joke on me. So first Hyams tackles the sequel to Kubrick's acclaimed masterpiece, then in the actual year of 2001 he (allegedly) destroys another classic.

smirnoff

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2013, 04:40:52 PM »
These are the cinematographers of the 5 films, and the highest rated projects they've been involved in as cinematraphers (by imdb rating).



Robert H. Planck (1948 film)
(7.09) - The Three Musketeers (1948)
(7.09) - Little Women (1949)
(7.08) - Lili (1953)


David Watkin (1973 film)
(8.49) - "Jesus of Nazareth" (1977)
(7.59) - The Devils (1971)
(7.32) - La Cenerentola (1981)


Dean Semler (1993 film)
(8.00) - Dances with Wolves (1990)
(7.80) - Apocalypto (2006)
(7.60) - Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)


Peter Hyams (2001 film)
(6.70) - 2010 (1984)
(6.39) - Narrow Margin (1990)
(6.20) - Running Scared (1986)


Glen MacPherson (2011 film)
(7.10) - Rambo (2008)
(6.86) - Regeneration (1997)
(6.70) - Trick 'r Treat (2007)

1SO

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2013, 02:16:15 AM »

Would this have been a better place to start?


You ever have a movie night with friends and they decide on a movie you selected? When the movie ends there's the awkward moment where you sense everyone looking at you because this was your pick?

smirnoff

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #13 on: September 03, 2013, 09:44:44 PM »
Yes! For some reason we all ended up watching that Costner movie The Upside of Anger. It wasn't bad, but for some reason we all felt like giving our one friend a hard time about it. It wasn't even his recommendation per se, he just mentioned that it existed and then after we saw it we determined that it was his fault. :)

1SO

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The Three Musketeers: 2011
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2013, 02:00:19 AM »

The Three Musketeers (2011)
“Your horse took a dump on the street.”

After a clever toy soldier prologue, The Three Musketeers as imagined by Paul W.S. Anderson opens with a campy sequence at the level of bad dinner theater. Here is the old PWSA I knew and hated. Handed an opportunity to break out of the Resident Evil camp he turns in a whole mess of stupid. Stupid that's full of costumes, weapons and splashy sets, yet looks like it was all thrown together at the last minute. (This includes the script which I was surprised to learn isn't credited to him but two other chuckleheads, who are even worse with character, plotting and dialogue.)

Athos' twin shotgun thingies, well I kind of expected that, but Aramis' intro once again shows that Anderson doesn't care one bit about performance. (I'm referring to the blond wench.) Plus, the action looks stupid and draping the cape around the girl because you have 10 minutes... I've accused Anderson of many things before but never camp.

I want to get to the Indiana Jones room of wall shooters because it was terrible in 2 ways. 1: How the hell did Milla not get shot? She didn't outrun the balls because sometimes they would pass in front of her face. (#forever12). 2: The slow motion shot of her running with her curls, she looked like a poodle. And it didn't look like real slow motion, just Milla running at a slow pace. Her facial expressions are all wrong here. Actually, she's wrong here. Completely miscast, the acting seems no deeper than a model walking through the role on a cloud. Of course, we get this...


But the character never comes alive. She doesn't get to enjoy being good or evil or tough. She just slinks around while Christoph Waltz tries to connect with her in some way. When you're letting Orlando Bloom steal the scene, you're just an empty dress.

Is there anything more disappointing than seeing Waltz and Mads Mikkelsen in the film wasting their time on what's ultimately a giant knock-off of Pirates of the Caribbean? While it's nearly impossible to compete with the original Pirates, this ends up worse than any of the sequels by sheer force of stupidity.

I wanted to start the Marathon here with one of the more freewheeling adaptations, but I think the core story is still in there. (The future will reveal.) I do remember D'Artagnan picking duels with the other Musketeers from the 1993 version, though I wouldn't put it past PWSA to lift that like he takes so many other ideas. (The sequel set-up is a riff on his own Resident Evil: Afterlife.)


On a more general note, I read that many people hated Percy Jackson as D'Artagnan, but to my knowledge that youth and youthful stupidity is the part. (Remember, we have Chris O'Donnell coming up.) Logan Lerman isn't great but he's about par with the rest of the misfit section of the cast. Certainly easier to put up with than Freddie Fox as young King Louis.

The whole project is just so stupid that I have to admit, I eventually just accepted it like homework. It was never clever, though it certainly tried hard enough to put an original spin with modernized weapons and flying ships. I even liked the rotating cannon gun. And while this doesn't lower my hopes for the next Resident Evil, it's a clear reminder of what a juvenile dumbass Paul W.S. Anderson can be.

A Question I Hope is Answered At Some Point in the Marathon.

verbALs

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2013, 02:39:20 AM »
Yes! For some reason we all ended up watching that Costner movie The Upside of Anger. It wasn't bad, but for some reason we all felt like giving our one friend a hard time about it. It wasn't even his recommendation per se, he just mentioned that it existed and then after we saw it we determined that it was his fault. :)

I had a similar uncomfortable experience bringing Evil Dead 2 to a big group of people. They couldn't understand what I thought was so funny. This was shortly after the great time everyone had with "Bride of Chucky" (so did I, a great film to watch in a crowd- continual stream of mickey taking comments- better than the script).
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

Bondo

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #16 on: September 04, 2013, 09:11:20 AM »

1SO

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #17 on: September 04, 2013, 10:15:41 AM »
I liked it a lot. :D
You believe no film with Juno Temple can be entirely bad.  :D

smirnoff

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #18 on: September 04, 2013, 08:55:37 PM »
The Three Musketeers

Isn't French literature wonderful!



Truthfully though this film pushed me too far. I felt like colonel Jessup being asked for a copy of a transfer order by a young Tom Cruise. This f***ing Anderson is making me crazy. You see, I can deal with the bombs and the bullets and the blood. I don't want realism and I don't want continuity. What I do want, Cardinal Richelieu, is for you to sit there in that f-ity red uniform and not suggest illegal chess moves!

"Did you order the castling of a king that was in check?!"


"You're god damn right I did!!"


"Cardinal Richelieu, you're under arrest for cheating (and being completely boring in this movie).



The facts of the case are these:
One, The soundtrack is a blatant ripoff of the Sherlock Holmes films.
Two, Milla Jovovich is miscast.
Three, Dawson and Downy were specifically ordered not to touch Santiago.

"These are the facts, and they are undisputed."



The 4 vs 40 sword fight was probably my favourite sequence. It was of course crippled, the way all PG sword fights are crippled (see below), but bloodlessness aside I was into what was going on. I would've liked a few less cuts in the action, it bordered on disorienting, but the choreography was creative, and surprisingly respectful of gravity and the other physical laws.


On a few occasions the slo-mo let you pick up on things that would not be noticeable in real-time. Like the flexing of a sword.

Pretty cool.



The characters, oh the characters...

I would've liked to get to know the three musketeers better. Aramis felt basically the same as Athos, but he talked less. Porthos was predictable. But the main thing is I never developed any kind of hero worship for them. They felt like generic, skilled swordsmen. I dunno... I wanted to have chills... and feel like "oh shit, here they come", but it never really happened. It's hard to say really (with crap dialogue), but I thought the actors they cast were good. The guy they cast for Athos was an odd choice, but he had a presence and he felt distinct. The other two... *shrugs*.

Everyone else... ugh. What boring one-note rolls. They've all been better elsewhere, and I think it actually hurt the film to cast such familiar faces and have them do so little, as opposed to casting nobodies and having them do the exact same thing. It's just disappointing.

And yet I finished the film easily. I don't know what that means. Perhaps it's a bit Wild E Coyote-ish. It's only a problem when you stop to think about it, which you don't really do as long as the film is rolling.


All in all things could've been better.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2013, 09:06:59 PM by smirnoff »

smirnoff

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Re: The Three Musketeers: Get You're Dumas In Here!
« Reply #19 on: September 04, 2013, 09:29:42 PM »
Athos' twin shotgun thingies, well I kind of expected that, but Aramis' intro once again shows that Anderson doesn't care one bit about performance. (I'm referring to the blond wench.) Plus, the action looks stupid and draping the cape around the girl because you have 10 minutes... I've accused Anderson of many things before but never camp.

I want to get to the Indiana Jones room of wall shooters because it was terrible in 2 ways. 1: How the hell did Milla not get shot? She didn't outrun the balls because sometimes they would pass in front of her face. (#forever12). 2: The slow motion shot of her running with her curls, she looked like a poodle. And it didn't look like real slow motion, just Milla running at a slow pace.

Two good examples of things that just weren't cool. We've seen them a thousand times before and they aren't executed well enough to raise the bar. I wish they would've put as much though into side-stepping our expectations as Ahtos as company put into side-stepping Milady's expectations about how they would steal the diamond neckless from Orlando Bloom.

Quote
Is there anything more disappointing than seeing Waltz and Mads Mikkelsen in the film wasting their time on what's ultimately a giant knock-off of Pirates of the Caribbean?

Not really, no. :))

Quote
(The sequel set-up is a riff on his own Resident Evil: Afterlife.)

Stealing from himself... that's more like it. :)

Quote
On a more general note, I read that many people hated Percy Jackson as D'Artagnan, but to my knowledge that youth and youthful stupidity is the part. (Remember, we have Chris O'Donnell coming up.) Logan Lerman isn't great but he's about par with the rest of the misfit section of the cast.

O'Donnell is going to eat Lerman's lunch. You'll see.

It's funny, Anderson isn't much for one-liner call-backs, even though his films are perfect for them... the only good one that comes to mind is "Star power, Bitches" (still a fav)... what sucks is the line they chose to call back at the end of this film. That exchange about d'Artagnan being "cocky" and his response "only on Tuesdays". I wanted the film to die for making me hear that twice.