A few thoughts...
Eilis is a young woman who has had very little experience with the world. So far she's been compliant to all that has been brought before her: her work for Miss Kelly, her sponsorship in America, her bookkeeping course, her boyfriend and his wishes. With each of these developments, she is being steered and goes along with them, but is slowly learning to weigh things out and that she too gets to choose. This is where I think Tony is really great. He could have been much more pushy, taking advantage of her amenability, but he really does ask her, on numerous times, what she wants. He wants her though, so he is being assertive.
I believe she is in love with him, but hasn't had this experience before, so is rightly naive.
When she goes home, she continues to be steered: her mother's wish for her to stay longer, her sister's job, her friend setting her up. But now, it's becoming impossible for her to continue being so blasted amenable, because she can't be all things to all people. She makes efforts to break away from others expectations, by her continually telling them that she's returning to Brooklyn, but nobody's listening, so she falls back into her pattern of allowing others to choose for her. It's difficult to fight others choices when they are pleasant and logical and when it has been the pattern.
The life she is falling into makes her second guess her one choice she did make. It was a big choice and she fears that she may have messed up. The talk of her being unethical is interesting to me. Her ethics have been to be good and obedient, but in doing so, she did mess up on the ethic of being truthful. People are imperfect and confusing, even to themselves. I appreciate that she's on a journey of self discovery, where she's learning to know her own mind and to trust it.
As for Jane Eyre
... 'Choice' It's a woman's plight, needing to find the power to have it. "I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will." I'll think more on this, but am interested in your thoughts, verbALs.