The last couple of films lifted my spirits, but this batch of terrible titles brought me right back down.
Poison for the Fairies (1984)
* * Two girls, witchcraft, the whole thing could’ve been done in 45 minutes. I think this was aiming to be like Spirit of the Beehive, but the visuals are too bland to support the slow pace. A del Toro premise executed with great calm.
Tenement: Game of Survival (1985)
aka. Slaughter in the South Bronx
aka. Game of Survival
½ A gang takes over the bottom floor of a tenement house determined to kill everyone inside. This has a small cult following thanks to its claustrophobic setting and cast that’s nearly all black or Hispanic, but it’s an especially nasty film. Director Roberta Findlay – that’s right, this trash is directed by a woman – is trying to push buttons with a constant stream of violent acts. It’s worth noting the more transgressive stuff happens off camera so the only line crossed is one of good taste.
Night Train to Terror (1985)
½ Producers unable to find distribution for two of their films edited them down into incomprehensibility. They then added a third film, which ran out of money during production and a wraparound story involving God and The Devil on a train while the next compartment has a new wave band playing dumb 80s music. A terrible cheat of a film.
Mr. Vampire (1985)
aka. Hold Your Breath for a Moment
* ½ Hugely successful Hong Kong mix of horror, comedy and fighting, best known here as the one where vampire/zombies hop around. It’s full of ideas, but the comedy drops below “not funny” into annoying. The rest isn’t great enough to make up for it, but you can understand the popularity and influence this film had in HK.
Terrorvision (1986)
* ½ I like this creature feature’s heavy Joe Dante vibe, with gumball lighting and a campy message about television addiction. (The best way to defeat this monster is to not watch TV for 200 years.) Exaggerated performances dumb down the comedy too far, but this isn’t a clever film to start with. Heavy violence is offset by the low budget, which can only afford jelly, playdough and silly string for the gore.