Author Topic: Dating/Relationships  (Read 586 times)

Sam the Cinema Snob

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Dating/Relationships
« on: August 25, 2016, 03:47:45 PM »
Or Sam's Tinder Adventures Part 1

So, I thought I would share my attempts to get a date on the Tinder app.
I've had two interactions so far that weren't bots trying to get me to download shady apps.

First Interaction: Bio says she's a movie buff, so I ask her what her favorite movie is. She says Gone Girl. All my warning bells go off and I still haven't replied to her.

Second Interaction: This one goes really well. She is in the same undergrad program I took at Baylor. I talk to her about England some. Finally just ask if she wants to go out sometime. She says sure. Then radio silence. I send her a message basically saying I know it's the beginning of the semester so things are probably crazy and maybe another week would be better. Nothing. Wait a couple of days and send another message. Nothing. The bad part of this is that I tracked her down on Facebook and I could easily message her there, but I really don't want to be that guy.

I've already encountered a few people I know in real life. I actually decided to like my sister's best friend that works at the same place, so we'll see what happens.

This app has taught me all the dealbreakers I have. It's way longer than I expected:
-Country girl/country music lover
-Bisexual/Transgender
-Only has one profile pic and it's terrible.
-Blondes (Knew this one)
-Cat lover
-420 friendly/smoker
-Girls who use the tacky flower filter on Instagram.
-Girls who use the tacky dog filter on Instagram.
-"If you can't handle me at my worse, you don't deserve me at my best."
-Kids (didn't think it would be one, but yea, don't really want that right now.)
-Tinder says I'm 20 but I'm really 18, lol. There's nothing funny about that. How do I not know you're 17, or 16?
-Horse lovers
-All pictures are multiple people and it's unclear who you are
-No bio. 9 out of 10 times this is spam.
-Bio is full of emojis.

pixote

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2016, 03:52:38 PM »
Haha, at no cat or horse lovers.

Is there a corresponding deal-maker list yet? Movie-lover? Anime-lover? "I like dogs, and I vote."?

Also, yeah, don't be that guy. Be as casual as you can be. Go in assuming people will flake on you, and just enjoy getting to know them. If you actually meet up, great, but don't stress about it.

pixote
« Last Edit: August 25, 2016, 03:58:40 PM by pixote »
I think I'd love how awkward it'd be, or how awkward it should be.

MartinTeller

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2016, 04:13:24 PM »
Maybe don't be so judgy, eh? People can surprise you, even if they (*shudder*) like music you don't like.

These strike me as pretty reasonable, though:

-Kids (didn't think it would be one, but yea, don't really want that right now.)
-Tinder says I'm 20 but I'm really 18, lol. There's nothing funny about that. How do I not know you're 17, or 16?
-No bio. 9 out of 10 times this is spam.

Junior

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2016, 04:18:44 PM »
Eh, I can see both ways. I get that great love can overcome something as relatively small as liking the same kind of music, but also I feel like there are enough people in the world (and most people's vicinity) to use somewhat arbitrary rules to eliminate possibilities. Especially on something kind of designed to be shallow.
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Sam the Cinema Snob

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2016, 04:55:35 PM »
Is there a corresponding deal-maker list yet? Movie-lover? Anime-lover? "I like dogs, and I vote."?
Movie/Music lover usually gets my attention. If you have similar Facebook interests, it shows you, so sometimes similar interests are another reason to like someone. Like most things, there isn't an instant deal-maker. I'm looking for something a bit more holistic than that.

Maybe don't be so judgy, eh? People can surprise you, even if they (*shudder*) like music you don't like.
I know this is true, but Texas just has way too many trashy country music lovers that I really don't want in my life.

FLYmeatwad

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2016, 05:17:00 PM »
FLY messed around a bit on Tinder, but nothing really came of it. That app seems way more casual, and much more prone to lack of responding than other services. Either way, pix is right. On OKC I talked with a few different women, and one seemed to be going really well, we were planning on going out, and then she just stopped responding. I reached out a few days later, didn't hear back, and just decided to move on. Sometimes that's just how it goes, and I realize that women on dating sites or apps are probably flooded with guys. The other girl I went out with once, and I thought it went really well, we even exchanged phone numbers before and texted a bunch, but then she stopped responding for days, sent me a message a few months later, and that kept up for another message or two, but that was that.

Ultimately, things tend to work out as long as you are genuine to yourself and others. Resisting the urge to be 'that guy' is tough sometimes, but the right thing to do and respectful. Now I find myself in a stable and happy blossoming thing, I think, and it was completely unplanned and all that. But I guess we'll see how it goes. Best of luck, Sam!

The Deer Hunter

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2016, 11:48:16 PM »
-"If you can't handle me at my worse, you don't deserve me at my best."

This is classic online dating.

I never tried Tinder but I'm 3 and a half years into a relationship with a girl i met off eHarmony.

verbALs

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2016, 12:24:24 AM »
Bisexual is a deal breaker? Maybe it's just me but this made my head hurt.  ;D

That thing about handling at their worst. Prob not on a first date eh? But it shouldn't be an issue in a relationship precisely because it is a relationship. If the problem is it implies a person has a bad side....that's not especially a surprise.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2016, 12:27:53 AM by verbALs »
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Bondo

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2016, 12:54:26 AM »
-Bisexual/Transgender

This is basically my core demographic (as a genderqueer person).

-All pictures are multiple people and it's unclear who you are

Yeah, this is the worst.

-No bio. 9 out of 10 times this is spam.

Sometimes it's worth it though...real convo I had:


But since part of this convo may have spun off my comment vis a vis The Lobster about dating sites being the worst (dating apps inclusive), maybe I should expand. On Tinder and Bumble (Tinder, but once a connection happens, women have to send the first message), I have like a .001% connect rate. When I do connect, it always feels like I have to do all the work when it comes to conversation, even on Bumble, where the one connection I had just said "hi" and put the ball entirely in my court to drive the dialogue. I have managed one date from Tinder, which stayed at one date by mostly mutual accord.

okcupid has been slightly better, though some of the more promising ones there never materialized from conversation to real life. I have had two of my more substantial relationships from there, albeit one was someone from my social network, though not someone I had talked to.

But I guess I'm old fashioned, even if not the people I've had the most significant relationships with, the most promising dates have come directly from social networks, people at work, people at school, and their friends. Just today I got a tentative date with someone I met at a school friend's birthday a couple weeks back. Contrary to online originated dates where I've not really developed ANY emotional investment, this is a case where we've passed the initial test and felt it was worth more time, so automatically it feels more valuable. I guess what I'm saying is with online, I feel like I am forcing it in hopes that it turns out, whereas this feels organic. The problem is most people in my social orbit are not single and it is just a smaller world than "the internet". But considering the hit rate is far higher than Tinder, it comes out to about the same number of people, but better people (for me).

jdc

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Re: Dating/Relationships
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2016, 10:40:22 AM »
I reached out a few days later, didn't hear back, and just decided to move on. Sometimes that's just how it goes, and I realize that women on dating sites or apps are probably flooded with guys. The other girl I went out with once, and I thought it went really well, we even exchanged phone numbers before and texted a bunch, but then she stopped responding for days, sent me a message a few months later, and that kept up for another message or two, but that was that.

FLY has this right. In general, women will get for more responses then men.  Sometimes a huge amount of them.  And as much as we (guys that is) may want a response, we are not entitled to one. 

Now what about those that started a conversation and then just went silent?  Same thing, they have no obligation to have to continue the conversation.  As frustrating as it may seem, they may go silent for any number of reason.  Maybe they are busy, had a good date with somebody else, got a bad vibe, saw your FB profile, etc.

What ever the reason, if they go silent...live with it.  I think 2 SMS is good then just drop it and move on.  Don't get frustrated, don't blame Tinder or online dating, and don't expect you are owed a response. 
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