Kon-Tiki (2012)Six men have fun on a raft. A mix of beautiful cinematography and sudden moments of intense drama mixed into a long journey under a hot sun. Many scenes of oddly ill-defined men, who are largely reliant on their legends for characterisation, having squabbles through beards. Extreme anthropology with a flimsy theory based on myth, but they’re heroes of survival rather than madmen railing against the world? This is definitely about the odyssey and less about why it’s happening seen from any perspectives outside the crew. Needs more Herzog.
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015)Guy Ritchie mangles the Cold War and blows a massive budget on costumes. One of the most inconsistent re-imaginings I’ve seen. Some scenes are outstanding then others fail as Ritchie can’t help indulging himself with his usual quipping muscularity. He’s aiming for the whimsy of the original but he can’t do that lightness of touch. Everything he does has weight. Nevertheless this looks amazing and taken as a whole is enjoyable. Must win some sort of accolade for worst choice of subtitle font in a movie.
Free Fire (2016)Ben Wheatley undertakes a formal exercise in just how long one gun-fight can last. This is a finger-gun fight from a playground put on film, only with actual guns. Wheatley undertakes to frustrate anything that might cut the fight short. Loads of cover; no bullets in the assault rifles; everyone’s wounded, isn't mobile, or has bad aim. The battle royale game from hell. The unholy mix of Fortnite and The Oregon Trail. Not so much a response or a challenge to Tarantino, more a plea for him to stop and try something else. Authentic warehouse floor dust and grime throughout.
Cabiria (1914)Moloch demands sacrifices. Rome demands the world. Awesome. It’s 1914 and this is between two and three hours long depending on the version. A massive cast of extras, feats of daring in scaling city walls, a master/slave double act, tragedy, war and somehow Giovannia Pastrone has managed to work out how to move a 1914-era camera in a controlled manner, albeit for only a short distance, to create some limited steadicam-esque sweeping pan shots over the amazing sets. Only let down by an addiction to expository intertitles and blackface.
The Earth Dies Screaming (1964)The alien robot menace stumbles ever-so-slowly to the extinction of the human race. Starts with a bang not only with scenes of dead people lying face-down in puddles and on miniature golf courses, but with some excellent typography in the credit sequence. There are things to like. The design of the robots is macabre. Tensions form with the group of survivors, they have personality flaws. The failure is the direction. Action would be the wrong word. These are the slowest robots and zombies you have *ever* seen. Very little screaming occurs..
At the Earth’s Core (1976)Men in monster suits dance through Edgar Rice Burrough’s fevered imagination. Filled to the brim with Victorian ideas of progress and colonialism, taken to absurd depths by the idea of telepathic, sadistic dinosaurs dwelling in the deep dark pre-history that lives below our feet. All with obligatory Caroline Munroe cleavage. The effects are laughable, yet their naivety adds some charm to the rote proceedings. Takes itself endearing too seriously. One to kindle a brief fondness before being passed over summarily.
Ghost in the Shell (2017)Scarlett Johansson cosplays a naked robot. Too reverent of the original, yet failing to grasp what made the original thoughtful and stylish. Despite copying some scenes shot for shot it nevertheless lack the visual flair of the anime. It also lacks the pacing, the mood, the soundtrack and the depth as well. Bears the hallmarks of a producer who is too much of a fanboy to recognise a bad idea if he’s the one who’s had it; fanservice for billionaires. The director doesn’t help.
Wayne’s World 2 (1993)Mike Myers overrates Charlton Heston’s acting. Not excellent. Very much a cultural artifact, and perhaps if it was buried in a time capsule for several hundred years, it wouldn’t be missed. The inevitable result of the play-listing choices of 1980s US radio stations mixing with teenage hormonal surges that also spawned Bill & Ted. Perhaps you had to be there. Fun and overwhelmingly disposable, this a film you have on in the background while you surf the net and direct your attention elsewhere. Undemanding.
Shorts of the WeekAshes of Doom (1970)Grant Munro enlists Universal Horror tropes to bring us this PIF. Wins the prize for most smoking in sixty seconds or less. A one-joke short to dissuade us from smoking, however it suggests that to truly defeat the vampire menace, the best measure is a 120-a-day habit and lungs of tar. Impressively tottering ashtrays and some fantastic swooning from Nadia Salnick can’t fix that oversight. Pre-post-modernism going on with the overlong credit sequence and use of older film idioms.
Fast and Furry-ous (1949)Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote start as they mean to go on. The original and possibly still the best. Only one Acme and one Ace product used, the rest are all generics. This contains *the* tunnel gag, *the* jet-powered tennis shoes and *the* very large rock. It’s also one of the only ones in which Wile E. Coyote nearly makes it across the canyon after equipment failure. Rather surprisingly it also contains the moment he first lays eyes on the Road Runner. I assumed it had been going on eternally.
Schick After Shave (1971)Marxist director tries his hand at selling aftershave. A work of monumental self-contradiction, and less surprisingly, an unconventional male gaze and worldview. Jean-Luc Godard tries weakly to subvert the medium with an ad of anti-glamour and agitprop, but it’s still a man and a woman getting out of bed arguing until the bottled masculinity that is Schick changes her contrary attitude. The capitalism goes against Godard, but the masculine power and conflict is right at home. They need to change the name of that aftershave…