Author Topic: Internet Movie Reviews  (Read 229 times)

DarkeningHumour

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Internet Movie Reviews
« on: December 12, 2017, 08:45:47 AM »
Read something funny or worthwhile about a movie on Letterboxd or IMDB and the like? Share it!
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DarkeningHumour

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 08:47:28 AM »
Found on Letterboxd (full reviews):

Raw

« this isn't even a horror movie French people just be like that »

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

« kylo ren can pop this hot topic pu**y any day of the week »
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StudentOFilm

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2017, 03:18:50 PM »
From Amazon.com, curated by the quiz lovers at Sporcle.com...

21 Jump Street- Seth Rogen was fantastic.

(500) Days of Summer- Very unrealistic. A whole year has only 365 days.

Accepted- I bought this because I remembered the part with Jonah Hill where he screams like a girl when they first find their college. O man it is so funny.

Air Bud- Please just imagine if you were a Fernfield basketball player who lost his job to a golden retriever.

Arrival- Squid things come to Earth to chill and paint. 5/5

Back to the Future Part II- This was the most unrealistic load of crap that one could ever see in their life. Time Travel is only possible at 180,000 miles per second, not 88 mph.

Bad Grandpa- Gives grandpas a bad name.

Beethoven- Best movie about a dog from 1991.

Black Knight- 2/5 because I’m not sure if this is racist, otherwise would give 5.

Boyhood- 1/5. Boy who takes pictures goes to college and grows a mustache. There, I just saved you three hours.

The Breakfast Club- My son attended the purported school in Glenview, Illinois in the 60s and I did not relate to this movie.

Captain America: Civil War- Not historically accurate.

Catch Me If You Can- If this movie is really based on a true story, it just goes to show criminals that crimes does pay.

Chariots of Fire- 1/5. There were no chariots and there was no fire.

Chicken Run- Fantastic movie! I have refused to eat chicken pot pies since seeing this movie years ago.

Creed- After watching Shrek before this movie, it was not even comparable. I would recommend this movie for Rocky fans but make sure you watch this before you watch Shrek.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon- 1/5. Was not in English.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- Completley goes up against God’s plan for how time should be.

Equilibrium- A dog’s affection figures prominently in the story line celebrating our hero’s predictable turn to aid the forces of the rebellion.

Fantastic Four- 1/5. This movie had Miles Teller in it.

The Fast and the Furious- This movie also created a new counter culture of guys that drive like maniacs in their economy cars. These people are everywhere in their Civics painted ridiculous colors.

Fences- Warning: not about Fences.

Fight Club- I can’t talk about it.

Frida- I had a hard time concentrating on the movie - I kept wondering if she had just one long eyebrow or if she connected the two she had with a pencil.

Frozen- I let it go and I regret it.

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties- Unrealistic. Okay, I can get over the fact that the cat can talk etc. But the idea that he has a British doppelganger is TOO MUCH!

Ghost Rider- Son is 5 and LOVES this movie. I had to get him a 6 foot chain from Home Depot.

Goodfellas- 3/4. If The Godfather had never been made, this would’ve been a 4-star movie, but The Godfather was made.

Gravity- 1/5. The only thing that kept me watching was expecting Clooney to return.

Her- The main character has no life … I would recommend a good dog and a bowling league.

The Incredibles- The people’s proportions are NOT REALISTIC!!! I watch movies hoping to find a REALISTIC view of the world.

Interstellar- Tragically wasted opportunity. McConaughey keeps his shirt on the whole time.

Iron Man- 1/5. I thought this was about weight lifting.

It Comes at Night- Nobody came at night.

Jaws- I am 35 and have witnessed 7 sharks destroyed by being blown up. The shark was blown up at the end of this film and it wasn’t very realistic.

JFK- He died.

The Jungle Book- This movie doesn’t have a book anywhere in it.

The Jungle Book- Unrealistic. I highly doubt a pack of hungry wolves would just adopt a human kid as one of their own.

Jurassic World- This film is a bit unrealistic since the existence of dinosaurs has not been proven. There may be some bones but these are easy enough to fake.

Kangaroo Jack- Jerry O’Connell, what happened?

Kingsman: The Secret Service- I would’ve given it five stars had Samuel L. Jackson not talked with a lisp.

Lady and the Tramp- I will never purchase this video or any film that villifies cats. I’m a cat lover and this treatment in the movies of these wonderful animals makes me sick.

The Lego Movie- I have a serious problem with a movie where the bady guy is named Mr. Business.

Mad Max: Fury Road- Wait a minute, are you sure that is Charlize Theron? What happened to her arm?

Magic Mike XXL- 5/5. I don’t even need a boyfriend anymore.

Mamma Mia- Celebrates a loose lifestyle of sin.

The Martian- I keep wishing a little green man would jump out.

Memento- I don’t remember buying this.

Miracle at 34th Street- If you work at Macy’s, don’t watch.

Mission: Impossible- 1/5. This mission was not impossible.

Ocean’s Eleven- Taken right from real life. This really happened exactly like this. I know a guy that worked in a casino.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest- This is the worst of the Danny DeVito comedies.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl- Somlia Pirates do not look like this and they tend to steal oil tankers.

The Purge- I think we need an annual day for real to get rid of the unncessary people.

Ratatouille- Rats in the kitchen. Completely grossed me out.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes- 2/5. There’s no way an orangutan can ride a horse without crushing it.

Road House- I named by oldest Dalton because of this movie.

Rocky IV- Unfortunately, now that the Cold War is over, I suppose some of the impact has been lost.

Room- Why didn’t they just leave?

Star Trek Into Darkness- 1/5. I thought Kirk was going to kiss Spock.

Star Wars: Episode II- Attack of the Clones- My three unbelievably large sons wanted to see more of the Jarjar character.

Taken 3- When will they stop taking stuff from this dude.

There Will Be Blood- But there wasn’t. 2/5

Tusk- More like Turd.

Waterworld- I love water. 5/5

Westworld - I bought this movie for research because I think my neighbors are machines.

White Men Can’t Jump- But some can. 5/5.

Zodiac- 1/5. Interesting, but never solved.

Zootopia- Teaches children that predator animals are warm and fuzzy.
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DarkeningHumour

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2017, 03:31:34 PM »
Oh man. I keep wanting to make a break down reply to all of these.
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Corndog

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2017, 03:39:59 PM »
"Time is the speed at which the past decays."

Junior

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2017, 05:23:42 PM »
From Amazon.com, curated by the quiz lovers at Sporcle.com...

The Incredibles- The people’s proportions are NOT REALISTIC!!! I watch movies hoping to find a REALISTIC view of the world.

FLY?
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jdc

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2017, 07:06:14 PM »
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."  Homer S.
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oldkid

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2017, 01:48:56 AM »
I laughed so hard I died and my children buried me in the backyard from embarrassment.
"It's not art unless it has the potential to be a disaster." Bansky

DarkeningHumour

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2017, 04:54:48 AM »
A good Twitter follow...

There are certainly lots of uptight American Christian nuts on Amazon.com. No chill at all.
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Junior

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Re: Internet Movie Reviews
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2017, 03:33:44 PM »
I'm so glad that even those with criticisms of The Last Jedi here criticize real things. Because so much of the reaction right now is this BS:

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