I was using every day to signify that every choice matters, big or small, daily choices ... every one matters.
I think the second one is a little clumsy but I take your point that it shows more ownership or agency than the first one. Also the commas do give it more clarity.
I thought "Every day my choices write my story" was poetic but maybe not. I also got on a track substituting decisions for choices, but in the end decided choices seemed more moment to moment and urgent than decisions.
I'll think about it some more. Thank you for the feedback.
(I'm printing this on a plaque for a high school freshman.)