Speaking words of wisdom: D'oh! Homer's gems.
* "You donít like your job, you donít strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thatís the American way.*
* "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. Itís what separates us from the animalsÖexcept the weasel."
* "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try*
* "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, ďTo Kill A Mockingbird,Ē and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skinÖbut what good does *that* do me?"
* "Hereís to alcohol, the cause of ó and solution to ó all lifeís problems.
* "When will I learn? The answers to lifeís problems arenít at the bottom of a bottle, theyíre on TV!"
* "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
* "Old people donít need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
* "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything thatís even remotely true!"
* "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."
* "You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that donít work out in real life, uh, Christianity!"
* "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
* "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get."
* "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
* "Trying is the first step towards failure."
* "You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."
* "Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs."
* "What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Nevermind."
* "Oh, Iím in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I donít have to listen to myself. Iím drunk!"