Once Upon A Time In The West, there was a lonesome cowboy. His friends called him The Gay Caballero. He lived outside of Tombstone, Arizona. One day, 12 Angry Men came knocking at the cowboy's cabin door, shouting "Hang 'em High!" Much to the chagrin of the menacing dozen, he wasn't home; the cowboy was lucky, because these 12 hit men were in A League Of Their Own. As The Dirty Dozen rode away crestfallen the sky grew black. The Dirty Dozen had been giving him trouble for the past 8 1/2 years, but a Twister was about to set him free. Meanwhile, our cowboy protagonist was watching his native friend perform a ritual Rain Man dance, beckoning the mighty power of the rain and wind spirits. The first Thunderball was so loud that a full 3rd of the riders were thrown from atop their startled steeds. The winds began to Blow so fierce, the riders were all forced off a nearby cliff; however, one man survived this environmental onslaught, and his name was Michael Clayton. Leon, his Métis friend insists they clean up this final loose end but Gay sees no reason to destroy that which is already broken.
Gay: "Recon he won't be coming back anytime soon."
Leon: "They Come Back."
Gay: "They Never Come Back."
Leon: "Who Said They Never Come Back?"
Gay: "Sometimes They Come Back, but once their broke its a hard fight. That one don't seem the sort to have that kinda stomach."
Knowing nothing can be said to change the mind of a old cowboy Leon emptied the rain water from his Tin Cup and poured in something with a higher proof. Yes, it was Kickapoo Juice.
An hour later and a bottle gone, as was wont to do on an oppressive Arizona summer afternoon, the pair settled under The Shadow of an overhang talking little and moving less. They fell asleep and dreamt of The Color of Money.
They slept for many hours, and as the sun wained on the horizon they awoke to the sound of an on coming Stagecoach.
"Oklahoma! You boys gotta get Gone, Baby, Gone lickety split!"
Gay: Watch who you talk'n to stumpy. Leon, here, is A Man for All Seasons
Leon: And I'm Crazy Beautiful with a gun.
Gay: A Little Crazy.
Leon: Crazy Like a Fox.
Gay: Gun Crazy.
Leon: Crazy for a Kiss.
Gay: Hey!
Stumpy: What A Crazy World!
Asian cook: A Stomach of Crazy Tricks!
Leon pulls his gun and points it at Stumpy
Leon: I can make you Almost Famous!
Terrified Stumpy *cinecasts* a Brick and runs till he is Out Of Sight
They jump up into the Stagecoach that was left behind.
Gay: Let's go Leon, we gotta get home Before Sunset
And so they set off on their Race to Witch Mountain, where they plan to meet an old friend.