Dear Digestive System,
It was fun at first. You kept me home reading for two days. I vomited like a fire hydrant opened in the Bronx on a hot summer day. I got to sleep on the couch with sheets and blankets from the spare bedroom like I was twelve again. You know, laughs.
But now it's getting old. I'd really love to eat a spicy or rich food again without fear of shitting myself. I would love for you to stop moaning pathetically in the middle of business meetings.
Straighten up, mister. You're trying my paitence.
Sincerely,
Alex