Dear Food Network,
Please kill Guy Fieri and give his body to Ina Garten so that she can make a lovely feast for all her Hampton Gays. Call it The Cook and the Frosted-Tipped, Sunburned, Loudmouth Fatass, and you can style it a lá The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. Shiny, plastic, monochromatic rooms and place-settings. Costumes by Gaultier. Crystal and furnishings by Nambe and Lalique. Music by the deepest NYC DJ in collaboration with Philip Glass.
I want this.