I just watched Dan in Real Life again today and each time I do, I find it is less messy and more right, really right. So much of that hinges on Steve Carell's timing and how he embodies the character. My respect grows with each viewing.
I guess maybe it's one of those performances that's such a natural fit, and seems so effortless for the actor, it makes it easy to take it for granted. I know I did. But when you consider, as you did, all the other things that work
because the performance is good, it's more impressive.
I think about a character like Adam Sandler's in Punch Drunk Love. A character that's really not that dissimilar, he just happens to be in a PTA film... "the least romantic romantic comedy" as
valmz put it. When you think of the two though, the way Carell is relegated to the cot in the laundry room, and the way Adam Sandler is teased by his older sisters, they are both kind of the odd man out in their families.
I think both actors could probably have done both roles just as well, but it's Sandler who gets the attention because the role is out of character for him. I'm not sure if it's objectively fair, but that kind of seems to be the way it is.
I guess this is just a long way of saying I agree.