Ryan, I use the term partner in the same way. I actually tend to prefer to use the person's name, as the idea of someone being my partner still smacks of a possessiveness that I am uncomfortable with - they certainly are not mine - not to mention the awkwardness of having to say "one of my partners" when the good fortune of multiple partners is going on
It's a little strange though when speaking with someone who doesn't know you or the person you are connected to by a significant relationship, to refer to that person by name. Yesterday, when I was introducing myself to my English comp class, I mentioned "my husband." It would have been strange if I'd just said "Uri." I question whether "my" always has to mean possession - don't you think it can be just indicative of a significant, often loving relationship? I don't own my children, but is "my children" offensive? "The children" sounds pretty cold. How would you briefly refer to Lara when speaking to someone who doesn't really know you or her?
classes started already? so wrong!
part of using partner, instead of wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend is an issue of queerness. i think that being able to introduce yourself, especially on a first day, and mention
your husband speaks to the comfort of seemingly normal relationships (in this case, i'll call it hetero). while many queer folk are comfortable enough to mention their queer relationship(s) on the first day of class, i'd expect there to be some wondering about how students accept such sharing. for other queer folks, concerns about job security, student resistance, or community reprisals make "coming out" something unlikely and/or undesired.
avoiding the use of possessives with relationships is difficult. i am hardly consistent in avoiding using them, and it is something that i struggle with even if i am trying to be mindful to avoid them.
with the example of "my children" versus "the children", i think "my children" clearly sounds less cold, but i would also submit that "adam and stevie" sounds even less cold than "my children".
of course "my" doesn't always signify possession to the listener/reader but it does impart meaning - it seems pretty safe to claim that the meaning is possessive. if you are at a park with some other people, your kids are playing with your neighbor's kids - you point out "your kids" differentiating them against "their kids" - that is possessive. is that wrong? no. but does it say something about how families are understood, communities defined? obviously yes. tapping into the noble ideal illustrated in Griffith's
The Country Doctor, doctor harcourt is running between his home with his own sick child and his neighbor's home [note the possessiveness of land ownership:] with their sick child, harcourt ends up saving the neighbor's child and his own dies, seemingly telling us something about a greater ideal of care and community, shared "parenting". does this possessive use go toward solving that problem? i wouldn't say it did, but i don't think it hurts:)
as far as referring to lara, i sometimes say
lara and sometimes
my partner or
a partner, and i have called her
my wife. when i have called her
my wife it is in a situation where it feels necessary for personal safety or to gain confidence or comfort of whoever is being interacted with, and i always feel gross when doing it.
while i do take this stuff seriously, i reckon it is coming off as much less light-hearted than i live it (as with other exchanges on the boards:)