Yea, I should probably put swear words in there. Everyone else in my class is dropping f-bombs left and right. I dunno, I tend to only write swear words when I'm being sarcastic or I'm pissed. And writing this, I was neither.
I've wondered about how much background. I'd love to leave it all unexplained. But no title cards explaining stuff. That's dull, even in Blade Runner.
As for narrative momentum....Well...it's kinda intentional. The next act is gonna be crazy different and I've set up tiny little bits as to what might happen but yea, right now it's not clear at all where any of this is going and that's a problem. And I did that on purpose. It's probably just because I despise plot.
I think part of the problem is that I'm thinking in arthouse terms while writing a blockbuster. Yea, that's messed up, I don't know if it will work, but I think it's interesting.
Thanks for the suggestions. I've certainly got plenty to think about.