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Author Topic: I just need to whimper  (Read 193803 times)

Clovis8

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #610 on: June 10, 2011, 08:30:20 AM »
I have been in a long distance relationship for three and a half years.  It's been exclusive the whole time.  It can work.


jdc, I expect care-free and non-exclusive is the only way for an LDR to work. I tried having mine be neither and it didn't work out so well.

yes, we have sort of talked about that policy and the benefits of the freedom when dating somebody that works for the airlines.  I think at the moment it is just the initial shock of falling for somebody so quickly and under messy circumstances only to have that person get a great offer a few weeks later that will have her move.  Not that this is the end...


That's the thing about relationships; what works for some will fail for others. All we can do is try to negotiate something that works for both people. In my experience this type of situation would make monogamy very difficult but as Ses points out, perfectly fine for many people.

I think your chances of success might increase if you are willing to open up the relationship a little but that would entirely depend on the two of you and your comfort levels.

jdc

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #611 on: June 10, 2011, 02:02:49 PM »
Yes, it is all very different for many people. I have been in a couple of LTR before (North Carolina to Vegas and Singapore to Tokyo) with mixed results.  But in the end, I am not sure the distance is what did them in, there were always other issues and distance became an easy answer as distance could have been solved.

This might be the first person I dated where our minds think too much alike and it is not so much analyze it if this can work or not.  It is just do and what happens is just what is meant to be.  But thanks for all the feedback, not normally my thing to talk much about it.
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Totoro

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #612 on: June 17, 2011, 03:35:40 AM »
I just found out my friend is into furry porn. We've been friends for three years.
 :'(  :'(  :'(

jdc

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #613 on: June 17, 2011, 04:03:02 AM »
I curious, how did you happen to find that out?
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."  Homer S.
“The direct use of physical force is so poor a solution to the problem of limited resources that it is commonly employed only by small children and great nations” - David Friedman

Bondo

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #614 on: June 17, 2011, 07:22:42 AM »
Why the  :'(? It seems harmless enough.

smirnoff

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #615 on: June 17, 2011, 07:52:59 AM »
Don't end the friendship based on that. Just make fun of them like we do when people get their hair cut. :)

Clovis8

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #616 on: June 17, 2011, 08:01:40 AM »
I just found out my friend is into furry porn. We've been friends for three years.
 :'(  :'(  :'(

You found out you friend is a normal adult. And the problem is?

ses

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #617 on: June 17, 2011, 08:29:09 AM »
I have been in a long distance relationship for three and a half years.  It's been exclusive the whole time.  It can work.


jdc, I expect care-free and non-exclusive is the only way for an LDR to work. I tried having mine be neither and it didn't work out so well.

yes, we have sort of talked about that policy and the benefits of the freedom when dating somebody that works for the airlines.  I think at the moment it is just the initial shock of falling for somebody so quickly and under messy circumstances only to have that person get a great offer a few weeks later that will have her move.  Not that this is the end...


That's the thing about relationships; what works for some will fail for others. All we can do is try to negotiate something that works for both people. In my experience this type of situation would make monogamy very difficult but as Ses points out, perfectly fine for many people.

I think your chances of success might increase if you are willing to open up the relationship a little but that would entirely depend on the two of you and your comfort levels.

Yeah, I agree, I think it has to be about the right person at the right time.  Probably at any other time in my life the long distance thing wouldn't have worked.  But I know what I want and who I want it with and that person just happens to live 5 hours away from me, at this point.  I know that is only temporary which helps.  He is finishing his PhD, I am doing post-doctoral fellowship.  Our jobs aren't permanent, and when we get through our necessary training, we are going to be in the same place.  If that wasn't the case, I don't know if I could go my whole life like this.  It is very hard.  But like I said, I am not at the point in my life I used to be where I would be going out 5 nights a week and meeting people and whatnot.  It's not my thing anymore.  I am happy with who I am with, and that's what matters, not that he lives apart from me at this time.  Plus, it's only 5 hours, so I see him 3 out of 4 weekends a month.  We are very lucky, most people in long distance relationships don't get that.  And I am so busy during the week that it makes it that less difficult. 




Totoro - I don't know why what your friend is into would be a problem.  Who cares?  You probably have lots of friends that are into lots of stuff you don't know about.  It's perfectly normal. 
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MartinTeller

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #618 on: June 17, 2011, 08:35:38 AM »
Yeah, just look at Bondo.  He's really into movies about rape and sexual predators and teens having sex, and he makes kinda creepy posts about "Team Elle" but he's perfectly normal.  Right?

...right?

saltine

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Re: I just need to whimper
« Reply #619 on: June 17, 2011, 08:37:21 AM »
I just found out my friend is into furry porn. We've been friends for three years.
 :'(  :'(  :'(

You found out you friend is a normal adult. And the problem is?

Unless he's a US Congressman, then he should be publicly humiliated and made to resign.  I'm just saying...
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