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Author Topic: General Chatter  (Read 229270 times)

maņana

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1530 on: March 09, 2014, 01:13:36 AM »
Curious. How often do you give or receive compliments to/from random strangers?
I'm not at all confident in my ability to compliment a stranger without coming off as a total weirdo. It's a totally different story with women I know; I've always had a rapport with women that makes it easy to compliment someone's appearance (and ratchet it up to a flirt if the mood strikes) without it being awkward. 

(and don't really compliment women I know either...unless I am involved with them).
I hope this doesn't extend to your mom. She wants to know you think her hair looks nice today.
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Sam the Cinema Snob

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1531 on: March 09, 2014, 08:58:43 AM »
I'll compliment my sisters, but that's about it.

verbALs

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1532 on: March 09, 2014, 10:24:02 AM »
"Don't talk to strangers" is something you say to children. It's not meant as advice for adults.

A lot of you guys are younger so please take a bit of advice. If you don't have the ability to deliver a compliment to a lady then practice until you do. If you think it's some anti-PC "old fashioned" thing to do then then you are at the mushy end of the whole women's equality movement. Last night I was in a bar and a girl came around serving drinks and I instantly said that she was absolutely gorgeous and got a up for a high five. She smiled put down her tray and we high fived. Next time she came around this beautiful woman gave me a big smile. I'm at least twice her age have no chance with her and wouldn't know what to do with it if I was given that chance.

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« Last Edit: March 09, 2014, 10:38:48 AM by verbALs »
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

oneaprilday

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1533 on: March 09, 2014, 11:11:04 AM »
It's a totally different story with women I know; I've always had a rapport with women that makes it easy to compliment someone's appearance (and ratchet it up to a flirt if the mood strikes) without it being awkward. 
Awesome. :)

your mom. She wants to know you think her hair looks nice today.
She does!


@verbALs Interesting idea, to practice. There can often be a fine line between creep and nice; two guys can say the exact same thing, and one makes the woman super uncomfortable, the other makes her day. Sounds like you did the latter with this drink server. :)

verbALs

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1534 on: March 09, 2014, 11:27:04 AM »
But the practice is in being charming and polite; smiling, being relaxed and enthusiastic. I understand it's outside of the comfort zone but those days I enjoy the most are those where I engage with others. Like going up to the chef and asking him what's good. Never had a bad meal ( yeah after he says "everything"). You have to have the sensitivity to know who responds to the attention and who doesn't. Those that respond are usually the ones who do it themselves and appreciate the effort being put in by another person. No I certainly don't do it all the time but if I'm out to enjoy myself it's a big part of that enjoyment and it's a very long time since I've done it with the idea of "that" endgame. I'm less comfortable now if I'm not doing things like that. Say what feels right, be honest, trust your instincts, don't push it, enjoy. But work at it if it doesn't come naturally. Good things will come.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2014, 11:29:56 AM by verbALs »
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

Sam the Cinema Snob

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1535 on: March 09, 2014, 02:02:10 PM »
I'll compliment women on other things, but not their looks. I just have a feeling that saying that could be too easily misconstrued.

And I'm pretty fine with talking to strangers, even more  than most people who are more outgoing than me. I usually have a small chat when in the checkout line in the grocery store with the cashier or someone in line.

verbALs

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1536 on: March 09, 2014, 02:07:58 PM »
OK. Is this an age thing? I don't really have a dog in the fight....as it were. I'm not worried about the response in other words. I'm not losing out on anything.

I had a conversation with a lady of my age about the things that people at our stage of development (as t'were) DON'T need to get involved with when talking to the opposite sex. We can be more direct, is the gist of it. NO, I was NOT trying to do what you think I was trying to do, get your minds out the gutter. First rule of those conversations is declare your allegiances up front, to avoid confusion. God, my mates always used to tell girls I had kids, just to take me out of the game early. High tackle! (It was a joke we recycled last night since we all have kids now).
« Last Edit: March 09, 2014, 02:12:02 PM by verbALs »
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

Sam the Cinema Snob

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1537 on: March 09, 2014, 02:14:35 PM »
Friends are also trying to force me to date right now, which I'll be honest is a huge factor at how I'm approaching this right now.

verbALs

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1538 on: March 09, 2014, 02:41:55 PM »
Oh Sam yeah been there. You can get seriously pissed off with your friends for pushing that at you. Like Ash said "you have my sympathy".
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

oldkid

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Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1539 on: March 09, 2014, 03:47:41 PM »
It's true.  Once you've been married for a while and people know you aren't looking for something out of the compliment, it gives us male people a lot more freedom to give honest opinions.  Of course, some of us are heading toward the "dirty old man" category.... 

In my position, I've been wondering about the social politics of being a pastor and offering a compliment on a woman's looks.  For some, being a pastor means you are "safe", for others, it means you are a predator.   (Thanks, all you pastors who have had affairs!)   Well, I generally just compliment clothes, which is generally safe.
"It's not art unless it has the potential to be a disaster." Bansky

 

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