Author Topic: General Chatter  (Read 229260 times)

smirnoff

  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 26251
    • smirnoff's Top 100
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1540 on: March 09, 2014, 03:55:58 PM »
In my position, I've been wondering about the social politics of being a pastor and offering a compliment on a woman's looks.  For some, being a pastor means you are "safe", for others, it means you are a predator.

Win win.



oldkid

  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 19044
  • Hi there! Feed me worlds!
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1541 on: March 09, 2014, 03:58:52 PM »
Oh, I think I'm going to die.  LOL.
"It's not art unless it has the potential to be a disaster." Bansky

shuabert

  • Elite Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1023
    • Caveat Lector (Personal Tumblr)
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1542 on: March 09, 2014, 04:05:55 PM »
It's a good policy to not comment on a woman's appearance unless you have already established that type of rapport in a relationship, because 1) without context it reduces her to less than a whole person and 2) it assumes she wants that form of attention from a stranger, which is a big assumption to make. It's not about your intent, it's about how the comment is received. Complimenting a woman on her hair/boots, etc, is slightly more acceptable, because you're not making an unsolicited judgment about something inherent to her person.

My thoughts.

Bondo

  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 23082
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1543 on: March 09, 2014, 11:15:57 PM »
I'd be inclined to compliment women on their smiles, not sure "you have the most stunning overbite" would be taken as highly as it would be intended.

Bill Thompson

  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 17561
  • DOOM!!!!
    • Bill's Movie Emporium
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1544 on: March 10, 2014, 08:30:15 AM »
I take an even approach. I'll compliment women on their looks, and get weird responses. So, I also compliment men on their looks, and get even weirder responses.

Sandy

  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 12075
  • "The life we build, we never stop creating.”
    • Sandy's Cinematic Musings
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1545 on: March 10, 2014, 09:13:53 AM »
 :))

oneaprilday

  • FAB
  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 13746
  • "What we see and what we seem are but a dream."
    • A Journal of Film
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1546 on: March 10, 2014, 12:10:02 PM »
It's a good policy to not comment on a woman's appearance unless you have already established that type of rapport in a relationship, because 1) without context it reduces her to less than a whole person and 2) it assumes she wants that form of attention from a stranger, which is a big assumption to make. It's not about your intent, it's about how the comment is received. Complimenting a woman on her hair/boots, etc, is slightly more acceptable, because you're not making an unsolicited judgment about something inherent to her person.

My thoughts.
Hmmm, I don't think this absolute generalization can be made; so much depends upon how a comment is delivered, the context, the personalities and/or sensitivities of the individual personalities involved. I didn't feel objectified by that guy on the street who said I was beautiful that other day, but I've felt objectified and demeaned in other circumstances (egs. whistles, or cat-calls feel extremely demeaning to me though I know some - just a very few - women who like that sort of thing).  So I guess I can understand why, particularly, as a man you'd just decide to make a policy of not complimenting a woman you don't know - I appreciate the sensitivity that shows, honestly! - though it's a bit sad it has to be that way. If we lived in a culture where there was less routine objectification going on (er, I guess like a utopia or something ;) ), I don't see why a spoken acknowledgement of the beauty we see in someone we don't know would be a bad thing.

verbALs

  • Godfather
  • *****
  • Posts: 9446
  • Snort Life-DOR
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1547 on: March 10, 2014, 12:27:42 PM »
I find that bit there that OAD emboldened just really depressing. Sorry if you live in this world. If you aren't doing it, how would you know if women feel lessened by it,is the obvious question? And who fed you this line? Did he live alone?

Guys, you have an example in OAD of an extremely attractive lady (I've seen the picture!) whose really stunning quality is an extremely fine and foxy mind! And she's the one saying it's a compliment. Come out of the cupboard you boys and girls.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 12:31:39 PM by verbALs »
I used to encourage everyone I knew to make art; I don't do that so much anymore. - Banksy

oneaprilday

  • FAB
  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 13746
  • "What we see and what we seem are but a dream."
    • A Journal of Film
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1548 on: March 10, 2014, 06:55:44 PM »
I do appreciate shuabert's caution though, you know? It's nice know there's a guy who's thinking about how women are being objectified in our society and is trying to avoid being a part of it.

(Also, and now you're just embarrassing me! But thanks. :) )

Sandy

  • Objectively Awesome
  • ******
  • Posts: 12075
  • "The life we build, we never stop creating.”
    • Sandy's Cinematic Musings
Re: General Chatter
« Reply #1549 on: March 11, 2014, 12:29:13 AM »
Oh, I think I'm going to die.  LOL.

 :))

I don't know what I laughed at more, smirnoff's pic or this.


Fun and informative discussion. I think compliments should be spread around a little. :) Look for the men/women that may not always get noticed, but have something special about them. It'll make their day.